![]() You guide Milton from island to island, solving puzzles and collecting magic orbs to open portals. Why did he wait three decades to get off his plump rump and find a way home? Bermuda must be a nice place to spend a decade or three. ![]() (I suppose Down in the Bermuda Triangle would’ve been too much of a mouthful.) Having lost his middle years to the island, he one day decides to make his way back to civilization, where he hopes to reunite with his wife and child. The protagonist of Down in Bermuda is Milton, a pilot who 30 years ago crash landed on a tiny island that in no way resembles the real Bermuda. Lacking the uniqueness of its forebearer, Down in Bermuda struggled to leave me with a strong impression. While Monument Valley and its sequel are fine games in and of themselves, they spawned a subgenre of puzzlers that quickly became uncomfortably crowded. So when I fired it up I was disappointed to find that the spy trappings of Agent A were long gone in their place was a style that more closely resembled Monument Valley. This, of course, meant that I had certain expectations of Down in Bermuda. I’d gone into it with uncertain expectations yet come away impressed. Agent A had been a pleasant surprise, packed with attractive set pieces inspired by Connery-era James Bond and brain-tickling puzzles that were equal parts tactile and engaging. When I heard that Yak & Co, the developers of Agent A, had released a new game, I was eager to check it out. I couldn’t even find the elements of a bad movie drinking game out of this.The Bottom Line: Though it packs no shortage of charm, this relaxing puzzler is let down by control niggles and an overall lack of challenge. This thriller goes from bad to worse without the good manners of providing any one element that could be latched on to as more hilariously bad than the next. ![]() “One job! Couldn’t even keep the plane in the air!” It’s not like the ditzy Ozzy Osborne meets Boy George rocker named Midnight ( Greg Tally) has anointed himself leader. They bicker over what their priorities should be. The disorganized dunces declare “We need to start surviving!” But none knows how. The jetliner is tiny, yet the passengers, once they wash ashore, keep speaking of “hundreds” of casualties. ![]() Not before the murderer being extradited ( Noel Gugliemi) breaks free of his four FBI guards and guns most of them down - mid-flight. ![]() Bad writing, bad effects, bad acting, inept directing, the whole shooting, plane-crashing, character-devouring mess is just excruciating to sit through.Ī plane loaded with aspiring-to-D-list players cast as “types” is headed for Puerto Rico when it goes down in a storm. It’s “Airplane” without the (intentional) laughs, a disaster film in every meaning of the word. “Bermuda Island” is every bad thing about “Lost,” everything that “Plane” got right done wrong, every “performance” no one ever bought into on “Survivor.” Spoiler alert, neither does the drug and gun dealer who is second billed.Īs that character’s arrest and shoot-out was the focus of the movie’s drawn out first scene, feel free to shout “What the hell was the point of HIM?” Spoiler alert - Sizemore, playing a flight attendant (Stop laughing!) doesn’t make it…through the first act. But he’s top billed in “Bermuda Island,” a plane crash thriller that in no way should be confused with “Plane.” Tom Sizemore is decades beyond his “Saving Private Ryan” glory. ![]()
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